Friday, May 29, 2009

ARE YOU A DEMOCRAT,REPUBLICAN OR A REDNECK

I know that I am a conservative Republican but with Redneck tendencies.


Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Redneck?

Here is a little test that will help you decide.

The answer can be found by posing the following question:

#You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife
comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you.

You are carrying a Colt Model 1911 45 cal. automatic pistol, and you are an expert shot.

You have a mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.
What do you do?


Democrat's Answer :

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him
that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun, like a club
and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law, say about
this situation? Does the pistol, have appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind
of message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
Should I call 9-1-1? Why is this street so deserted?
We need to raise taxes, have paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends

for few days and try to come to a consensus.



Republican's Answer:

BANG!


Redneck's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG !
Click..... (Sounds of reloading) BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!BANG! Click

Daughter: 'Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester
Silver Tips or Hollow Points?! '

Son: 'Can I shoot the next one?!'

Wife: 'You ain't taking that to the Taxidermist

Thursday, May 28, 2009

SOCIAL SECURITY?????????

SOCIAL SECURITY:


Franklin Roosevelt, a Democrat, introduced the Social Security (FICA)
Program. He promised:

1.) That participation in the Program would be completely voluntary,

2.) That the participants would only have to pay 1% of the first
$1,400 of their annual incomes into the Program,

3.) That the money the participants elected to put into the Program
would be deductible from their income for tax purposes each year,

4.) That the money the participants put into the independent "Trust
Fund" rather than into the General operating fund, and therefore, would
>only be used to fund the Social Security Retirement Program, and no
>other Government program, and,

5.) That the annuity payments to the retirees would never be taxed as
income.

Since many of us have paid into FICA for years and are now receiving a
Social Security check every month-and then finding that we are
getting taxed on 85% of the money we paid to the Federal government to
"put away," you may be interested in the following:

Q: Which Political Party took Social Security from the independent!
"Trust" fund and put it into the General fund so that Congress could
spend it?

A: It was Lyndon Johnson and the Democratically-controlled House and Senate.

Q: Which Political Party eliminated the income tax deduction for Social
Security (FICA) withholding?

A: The Democratic Party.

Q: Which Political Party started taxing Social Security annuities?

A: The Democratic Party, with Al Gore casting the "tie-breaking"
deciding vote as President of the Senate, while he was Vice President of
the U.S.

Q: Which Political Party decided to start giving annuity payments to
immigrants?

A: That's right! Jimmy Carter and the Democratic Party. Immigrants
moved into this country, and at age 65, began to receive SSI Social
Security payments! The Democratic Party gave these payments to them,
even though they never paid a dime into it!

Then, after doing all this lying and thieving and violation of the
original contract (FICA), the Democrats turn around and tell you that
the Republicans want to take your Social Security away!

And the worst part about it is, uninformed citizens believe it!

Monday, May 25, 2009

VERY INTERESTING STUFF

In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the rule of thumb"

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Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled "Gentlemen Only..Ladies Forbidden"...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.

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The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

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Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.

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Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.

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Coca-Cola was originally green.

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It is impossible to lick your elbow.

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The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work:

Alaska

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The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get this...)

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The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%

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The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $ 16,400

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The average number of people airborne over the U.S. in any given hour:

61,000

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Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

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The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.

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The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.

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Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:

Spades - King David

Hearts - Charlemagne

Clubs -Alexander, the Great

Diamonds - Julius Caesar

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111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

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If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

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Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.

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Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?

A. Their birthplace

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Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?

A. Obsession

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Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"?

A. One thousand

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Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?


A. All were invented by women.

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Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?

A. Honey

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Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year?

A. Father's Day

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In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes.

When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase......... "goodnight, sleep tight."

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It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.

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In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England , when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them "Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down."


It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's"

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Many years ago in England , pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.

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At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!

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Don't delete this just because it looks weird. Believe it or not, you can read it.


I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?

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YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 200 8 when...

1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~~~~~~~


NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.

Friday, May 22, 2009

ALCOHOL

A fellow walks into a bar,
notices a very large jar on the counter,
and sees that it's filled to the brim with $10 bills.
He guesses there must be
more than ten thousand dollars in it.
He approaches the bartender and asks,
'What's with the money in the jar?'

'Well...you pay $10 and
if you pass three tests,
you get all the money and
the keys to a brand new Lexus.'

The man certainly isn't going to pass this up.
And so he asks, 'What are the three tests?'

'You must pay first...
Those are the rules,' says the bartender.

So, after thinking it over a while,
the man gives the bartender the $10
and the bartender drops it into the jar.

'Okay,' the bartender says,
'Here's what you need to do:
First - You have to drink a whole quart of tequila,
in a minute or less, and
you can't make a face while doing it.

Second - There's a pit bull chained in the back with a bad tooth. You have to remove that tooth with your bare hands.

Third - There's a lady upstairs
who has never had sex...
You have to take care of that problem!'

The man is stunned.
'I know I paid my $10, but I'm not an idiot!
I won't do it!
You'd have to be nuts
to drink a quart of tequila, and
then do all those other things...'

'Your call,' says the bartender...
'But, your money stays where it is.'

As time goes on, and
the man has a few more drinks,
he finally says,
'Where's the damn tequila?'

He grabs the bottle with both hands
and drinks it as fast as he can.
Tears stream down both cheeks...
but he doesn't make a face, and
he did it in fifty-eight seconds!

Next, he staggers out the back door,
where he sees the pit bull chained to a pole.
Soon the people inside the bar hear
growling , biting, and screaming sounds...
then nothing but silence!

Just when they think that
the man surely must be dead,
he staggers back into the bar,
with his shirt ripped open
and there are scratches and
he's bleeding all over his body.

He says,
'Now where's that woman
with the bad tooth?'

The moral to the story:
Listen carefully to the directions,
and don't trust your judgment
when alcohol is involved!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

I AM A REDNECK AND DAMN PROUD OF IT

We have enjoyed the redneck jokes for years. It's time to take a reflective look at the core beliefs of a culture that values home, family, country and God. If I had to stand before a dozen terrorists who threaten my life, I'd choose a half dozen or so rednecks to back me up. Tire irons, squirrel guns and grit -- that's what rednecks are made of. I hope I am one of those If you feel the same, pass this on to your redneck friends. Ya'll know who ya' are.

You might be a redneck if: It never occurred to you to be offended by the phrase, 'One nation, under God.'
You might be a redneck if: You've never protested about seeing the 10 Commandments posted in public places.

You might be a redneck if: You still say ' Christmas' instead of 'Winter Festival.'

You might be a redneck if: You bow your head when someone prays.

You might be a redneck if: You stand and place your hand over your heart when they play the National Anthem.

You might be a redneck if: You treat our armed forces veterans with great respect, and always have.

You might be a redneck if: You've never burned an American flag, nor intend to.

You might be a redneck if: You know what you believe and you aren't afraid to say so, no matter who is listening.

You might be a redneck if: You respect your elders and raised your kids to do the same.

You might be a redneck if: You'd give your last dollar to a friend.



If you are reading this, it is because I believe that you, like me, have just enough Red Neck in you to have the same beliefs as those talked about here.

GOD BLESS THE USA!!!!!!!!!

AMEN!!!!

Monday, May 18, 2009

MY PRAYER FOR EVERYONE

Relax your mind and humble your heart to focus on
Christ. Allow God to be the only person on your mind while you read this
prayer. If we can take the time to read long jokes, stories, etc., we
should give the same respect to this prayer. Friends, who pray together,
stay together.


If you pray this prayer, change the number.

Dear Lord, I thank you for this day. I
thank You for my being able to see and to hear this morning. I'm blessed
because You are a forgiving God and an understanding God. You have done
so much for me and You keep on blessing me. Forgive me this day for
everything I have done, said or thought that was not pleasing to you. I
ask now for Your forgiveness.

Please keep me safe from all danger and
harm. Help me to start this day with a new attitude and plenty of
gratitude. Let me make the best of each and every day to clear my mind
so that I can hear from You.

Please broaden my mind that I can accept
all things.

Let me not whine and whimper over things
I have no control over. Let me continue to see sin through God's eyes
and acknowledge it as evil. And when I sin, let me repen t, and confess
with my mouth my wrongdoing, and receive the forgiveness of God.

And when this world closes in on me, let
me remember Jesus' example -- to slip away and find a quiet place to
pray. It's the best response when I'm pushed beyond my limits. I know
that when I can't pray, You listen to my heart. Continue to use me to do
Your will.

Continue to bless me that I may be a
blessing to others. Keep me strong that I may help the weak. Keep me
uplifted that I may have words of encouragement for others. I pray for
those who are lost and can't find their way. I pray for those who are
misjudged and misunderstood. I pray for those who don't know You
intimately. I pray for those who will delete this without sharing it
with others. I pray for those who don't believe. But I thank you that I
believe.

I believe that God changes people and
God changes things. I pray for all my sisters and brothers. For each and
every family member in their households. I pray f or peace, love and
joy in their homes that they are out of debt and all their needs are
met.

I pray that every eye that reads this
knows there is no problem, circumstance, or situation greater than God.
Every battle is in Your hands for You to fight I pray that these words
be received into the hearts of every eye that sees them and every mouth
that confesses them willingly..

This is my prayer.
In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

THE OBAMA DEMOCRATS AND ACORN

The Obama Democrats and their leftist allies at ACORN, the so-called “Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now,” are doing all they can to cement left-wing rule in Washington for good.

Over $50 million in federal funding money has found its way into the hands of ACORN’s leftist activists over the last several years, but now the Democrats are about to make $8.5 billion more in tax-payer funds available to this radical group.

All of this for an organization indicted just last week in Nevada, and charged with similar allegations in Pennsylvania, for paying money for fraudulent voter registrations in last November’s election.

Minnesota Republican Rep. Michelle Bachmann’s amendment to block indicted organizations from collecting more public funding passed unanimously through the U.S. House Financial Services Committee.

But now Committee Chairman Barney Frank, far-left Democrat from Massachusetts, has decided he made a mistake by supporting the amendment, and will now offer his own amendment to restore ACORN’s opportunity of receiving billions of taxpayer dollars.

“I did not read it carefully, and it was in the last minute that the amendment was accepted,” said Frank. “It is a deeply flawed amendment and I am opposed to it…” Didn’t read it carefully -- or just now realized what it meant for his pals at ACORN?

Since ACORN’s efforts are all about electing leftist Democrats like himself, why would Frank want them to go unrewarded?

It’s time we told Barney Frank, Nancy Pelosi, and Barack Obama that we won’t tolerate using our tax dollars to pay off their electoral support machine. That’s why I hope you’ll take this opportunity to send Barney and Nancy an eCard to let them know that the Democrats’ assault against our free election right to “One Person, One Vote” and the Rule of Law will not be tolerated.

And when you do, I hope you will help the Republican Party’s effort to spread the word about the Obama Democrats’ misuse of power and plans to tighten their grip on our country by making a contribution of $25, $50, $100, $500 or $1,000 to the Republican National Committee today.

Your gift will also help support the recruitment and election of principled candidates who will defeat the Democrats in 2010 and pave the way to send Barack Obama packing in 2012. Thank you.

Sincerely,

Michael Steele
Chairman, Republican National Committee

P.S. Hugh, we are working hard to expose the irresponsible and unethical actions of Democrats in Washington and their left-wing enablers, but we need your support to do this vital work. So send your eCard to Barney Frank and Nancy Pelosi right now. Then take this opportunity to support our fight against the Obama Democrats' power grab by making a secure online contribution of $25, $50, $100, $500 or $1,000 to the RNC today. Thank you for your continuing support.

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Wednesday, May 13, 2009

children in church

Children in Church


A little boy was attending his first wedding.
After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?"
"Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly.
"How do you know that?"
"Easy," the little boy said.
"All you have to do is add it up, like the pastor said,
4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."


After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother,
"Mom, I've decided to become a minister when I grow up."
"That's okay with us, but what made you decide that?"
"Well," said the little boy, "I have to go to church on Sunday anyway,
and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell, than to sit and listen."


A 6-year-old was overheard reciting the Lord's Prayer at a church service,
"And forgive us our trash passes, as we forgive those who passed trash against us."


A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon.
"How do you know what to say?" he asked.
"Why, God tells me."
"Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"



A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on.
Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered,
"Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"



Ms. Terri asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories.
She was puzzled by Kyle's picture, which showed four people on an airplane, so she asked him which story it was meant to represent.
"The Flight to Egypt ," was his reply.
Pointing at each figure, Ms. Terri said, "That must be Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus. But who's the fourth person?"
"Oh, that's Pontius - the pilot!"



The Sunday School Teacher asks, "Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
"No sir," little Johnny replies, I don't have to. My mom is a good cook."



This is the best one.

A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he read her a bedtime story.
From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek.
She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again.
Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make you?"
"Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago."
"Oh," she paused, "Grandpa, did God make me too?"
"Yes, indeed, honey," he said, "God made you just a little while ago."
Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better at it, isn't he ?"

Monday, May 11, 2009

A LETTER TO THE PRESIDENT

To me, this letter is absolutely a "grand slam home run". It says it
all. If you agree with what it says, share it with as many people as
you can! If not , delete it and go on your merry way.

God Bless America! We need all the help we can muster.

April 17, 2009

The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington, DC 20500

Mr. Obama:

I have had it with you and your administration, sir. Your conduct on
your recent trip overseas has convinced me that you are not an
adequate representative of the United States of America collectively
or of me personally.

You are so obsessed with appeasing the Europeans and the Muslim world
that you have abdicated the responsibilities of the President of the
United States of America. You are responsible to the citizens of the
United States. You are not responsible to the peoples of any other
country on earth.

I personally resent that you go around the world apologizing for the
United States telling Europeans that we are arrogant and do not care
about their status in the world. Sir, what do you think the First
World War and the Second World War were all about if not the
consideration of the peoples of Europe? Are you brain dead? What do
you think the Marshall Plan was all about? Do you not understand or
know the history of the 20th century?

Where do you get off telling a Muslim country that the United States
does not consider itself a Christian country? Have you not read the
Declaration of Independence or the Constitution of the United States?
This country was founded on Judeo-Christian ethics and the principles
governing this country, at least until you came along, come directly
from this heritage. Do you not understand this?

Your bowing to the king of Saudi Arabia is an affront to all
Americans. Our President does not bow down to anyone, let alone the
king of Saudi Arabia. You don’t show Great Britain, our best and one
of our oldest allies, the respect they deserve yet you bow down to the
king of Saudi Arabia. How dare you, sir! How dare you!

You can’t find the time to visit the graves of our greatest generation
because you don’t want to offend the Germans but make time to visit a
mosque in Turkey. You offended our dead and every veteran when you
give the Germans more respect than the people who saved the German
people from themselves. What’s the matter with you?

I am convinced that you and the members of your administration have
the historical and intellectual depth of a mud puddle and should be
ashamed of yourselves, all of you.

You are so self-righteously offended by the big bankers and the
American automobile manufacturers yet do nothing about the real
thieves in this situation, Mr. Dodd, Mr. Frank, Franklin Raines, Jamie
Gorelic, the Fannie Mae bonuses, and the Freddie Mac bonuses. What do
you intend to do about them? Anything? I seriously doubt it.

What about the U.S. House members passing out $9.1 million in bonuses
to their staff members – on top of the $2.5 million in automatic pay
raises that lawmakers gave themselves? I understand the average House
aide got a 17% bonus. I took a205% cut in my pay to save jobs with my
employer. You haven’t said anything about that. Who authorized that?
I surely didn’t!

Executives at Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac will be receiving $210
million in bonuses over an eighteen-month period, that's $45 million
more than the AIG bonuses. In fact, Fannie and Freddie executives
have already been awarded $51 million – not a bad take. Who
authorized that and why haven’t you expressed your outrage at this
group who are largely responsible for the economic mess we have right
now.

I resent that you take me and my fellow citizens as brain-dead and not
caring about what you idiots do. We are watching what you are doing
and we are getting increasingly fed up with all of you. I also want
you to know that I personally find just about everything you do and
say to be offensive to every one of my sensibilities. I promise you
that I will work tirelessly to see that you do not get a chance to
spend two terms destroying my beautiful country.

Sincerely,

Every real American

P.S. I rarely ask that emails be 'passed around'.............PLEASE
SEND THIS TO YOUR EMAIL LIST......it's past time for all Americans to
wake up!

no slack
mailman
Steve Brogdon:

Sunday, May 10, 2009

WORDS TO LIVE BY

Positive Thoughts For A Happier Day
Share
Today at 11:00pm
a.. Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have.

b.. Temper is what gets most of us into trouble, pride is what keeps us there.

c.. Better than counting your years, is to make your years count.

d.. Life can only be understood backwards, but it must lived forward.

e.. You can't build a reputation on what you are going to do.

f.. Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.

g.. Don't resist growing old, some people never even get the chance.

h.. What you do today is important, because you're exchanging a day of your life for it.

i.. If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow.

j.. Please make my words sweet and tender today, for I may have to eat them tomorrow.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

DO NOT MOCK GOD!!!!!!!

Untimely Deaths
DID YOU KNOW THESE FACTS?
I SURE DIDNT TILL NOW
Death is certain but the Bible speaks about untimely death!
Make a personal reflection about this.....
Very interesting, read until the end.....
It is written in the Bible (Galatians 6:7):
Be not deceived; God is not mocked:
for whatsoever a man sow,
that shall he also reap.
Here are some men and women
who mocked God :

John Lennon (Singer):

Some years before, during his interview with an American Magazine, he said:
'Christianity will end, it will disappear.
I do not have to argue about
that. I am certain.
Jesus was ok, but his subjects were too simple, today we are more famous than Him' (1966).
Lennon, after saying that the Beatles were more famous than Jesus Christ, was shot six times.


Tancredo Neves (President of Brazil ):

During the Presidential campaign, he said if he got 500,000 votes from his party, not even God would remove him from Presidency.
Sure he got the votes, but he got sick a day before being made President, then he died.


Cazuza (Bi-sexual Brazilian composer, singer and poet):
During A show in Canecio ( Rio de Janeiro ),
while smoking his cigarette, he puffed out some smoke into the air and said:'God, that's for you.'
He died at the age of 32 of LUNG CANCER in a horrible manner..


The man who built the Titanic
After the construction of Titanic, a reporter asked him how safe the Titanic would be.
With an ironic tone he said:
'Not even God can sink it'
The result: I think you all know what happened to the Titanic

Marilyn Monroe (Actress)
She was visited by Billy Graham during a presentation of a show.
He said the Spirit of God had sent him to preach to her.
After hearing what the Preacher had to say, she said:
'I don't need your Jesus'.
A week later, she was found dead in her apartment


Bon Scott (Singer)
The ex-vocalist of the AC/DC. On one of his 1979 songs he sang:'Don't stop me; I'm going down all the way, down the highway to hell'.
On the 19th of February 1980, Bon Scott was found dead, he had been choked by20his own vomit.


Campinas (IN 2005)
In Campinas , Brazil a group of friends, drunk, went to pick up a friend.....
The mother accompanied her to the car and was so worried about the drunkenness of her friends and she said to the daughter holding her hand, who was already seated in the car:
'My Daughter, Go W ith God And May He Protect You.'\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\She responded: 'Only If He (God) Travels In The Trunk, Cause Inside Here.......It's Already Full '
Hours later, news came by that they had been involved in a fatal accident, everyone had died,
the car could not be recognized what type of car it had been, but surprisingly, the trunk was intact.
The police said there was no way the trunk could have remained intact To their surprise, inside the trunk was a crate of eggs, none was broken


Christine Hewitt (Jamaican Journalist and entertainer)
said the Bible (Word of God) was the worst book ever written.
In June 2006 she was found burnt beyond recognition in her motor vehicle.

Many more important people have forgotten that there is no other name that was given so much authority as the name of Jesus.
Many have died, but only Jesus died and rose again, and he is still alive.
'Jesus'
PS: If it was a joke, you would have sent it to everyone..
So are you going to have courage to send this?.
I have done my part, Jesus said
'If you are embarrassed about me,
I will also be embarrassed about you before my father.'
You are my 8 in 8 seconds. I am not breaking this. No way!
I'M TOLD THIS WORKS!!!!! Bishop T.D. Jakes '8 Second Prayer.' Just repeat this prayer and see how God moves!!

'Lord, I love you and I need you, come into my heart, and bless me, my family, my home, and my friends, in Jesus' name. Amen.'

Pass this message to 8 people {EXCEPT YOU AND ME}.You will receive a miracle tomorrow. I Hope that you don't ignore and
let God bless you.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

HOW TO FIX FINANCIAL CRISIS NOW

I realize this is a joke, but it will never happen, because it actually makes sense! And Heaven forbid Congress does anything that makes sense........

Somebody send it to the prez!

Dear Mr. President,

Patriotic retirement:

There's about 40 million people over 50 in the work force; pay them $1 million apiece severance with three stipulations if they are citizens:

1) They leave their jobs. Forty million job openings - Unemployment fixed.

2) They buy NEW American cars. Forty million cars ordered - Auto Industry fixed.

3) They either buy a house or pay off their mortgage- Housing Crisis fixed.

All National financial problems fixed!!!



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Wednesday, May 6, 2009

WE ARE IN BIG TROUBLE

We are in trouble...

The population of this country is 300 million.

160 million are retired.

That leaves 140 million to do the work.

There are 85 million in school.

Which leaves 55 million to do the work.

Of this there are 35 million employed by the federal government.

Leaving 20 million to do the work.

2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Osama
Bin-Laden.
Which leaves 17.2 million to do the work.

Take from that total the 15.8 million people who work for state and city
Governments. And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work..

At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals.

Leaving 1,212,000 to do the wor k.

Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.

That leaves just two people to do the work.

You and me.

And there you are,

Sitting on your ass,
At your computer, reading jokes..

Nice. Real nice.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

AN ABSOLUTE MUST READ FOR EVERY AMERICAN

READ AND JUST PASS IT ON.

Juval Aviv was the Israeli Agent upon whom the movie 'Munich' was

based. He was Golda Meir's bodyguard -- she appointed him to track down

and bring to justice the Palestinian terrorists who took the Israeli

athletes hostage and killed them during the Munich Olympic Games.

In a lecture in New York City a few weeks ago, he shared information

that EVERY American needs to know -- but that our government has not

yet shared with us.

He predicted the London subway bombing on the Bill O'Reilly show on Fox

News stating publicly that it would happen within a week. At the time,

O'Reilly laughed and mocked him saying that in a week he wanted him

back on the show. But, unfortunately, within a week the terrorist

attack had occurred.

Juval Aviv gave intelligence (via what he had gathered in

Israel and the Middle East) to the Bush Administration about 9/11 a

month before it occurred. His report specifically said they would use

planes as bombs and target high profile buildings and monuments.

Congress has since hired him as a security consultant.

Now for his future predictions. He predicts the next terrorist attack on the U.S. will occur within the next few months.

Forget hijacking airplanes, because he says terrorists will NEVER try

and hijack a plane again as they know the people on board will never go

down quietly again. Aviv believes our airport security is a joke --

that we have been reactionary rather than proactive in developing

strategies that are truly effective.

For example:

1) Our airport technology is outdated. We look for metal, and the new

explosives are made of plastic.

2) He talked about how some idiot tried to light his shoe on fire.

Because of that, now everyone has to take off their shoes. A group of

idiots tried to bring aboard liquid explosives. Now we can't bring

liquids on board. He says he's waiting for some suicidal maniac to pour

liquid explosive on his underwear; at which point, security will have

us all traveling naked! Every strategy we have is 'reactionary.'

3) We only focus on security when people are heading to the gates.

Aviv says that if a terrorist attack targets airports in the future,

they will target busy times on the front end of the airport when/where

people are checking in. It would be easy for someone to take two

suitcases of explosives, walk up to a busy check-in line, ask a person

next to them to watch their bags for a minute while they run to the

restroom or get a drink, and then detonate the bags BEFORE security

even gets involved. In Israel, security checks bags BEFORE people can

even ENTER the airport.

Aviv says the next terrorist attack here in America is imminent and

will involve suicide bombers and non-suicide bombers in places where

large groups of people congregate, (i.e., Disneyland, Las Vegas

casinos, big cities (New York, San Francisco, Chicago, etc.) and that

it will also include shopping malls, subways in rush hour, train

stations, etc., as well as rural America this time (Wyoming, Montana,

etc.).

The attack will be characterized by simultaneous detonations around the

country (terrorists like big impact), involving at least 5-8 cities,

including rural areas.

Aviv says terrorists won't need to use suicide bombers in many of the

larger cities, because at places like the MGM Grand in Las Vegas, they

can simply valet park a car loaded with explosives and walk away.

Aviv says all of the above is well known in intelligence circles, but

that our U. S. government does not want to 'alarm American citizens'

with the facts. The world is quickly going to become 'a different

place', and issues like 'global warming' and political correctness will

become totally irrelevant.

On an encouraging note, he says that Americans don't have to be

concerned about being nuked. Aviv says the terrorists who want to

destroy America will not use sophisticated weapons. They like to use

suicide as a front-line approach. It's cheap, it's easy, it's

effective; and they have an infinite abundance of young militants more

than willing to 'meet their destiny'.

He also says the next level of terrorists, over which America should be

most concerned, will not be coming from abroad. But will be, instead,

'homegrown' -- having attended and been educated in our own schools and

universities right here in the U.S. He says to look for 'students' who

frequently travel back and forth to the Middle East. These young

terrorists will be most dangerous because they will know our language

and will fully understand the habits of Americans; but that we

Americans won't know/understand a thing about them.

Aviv says that, as a people, Americans are unaware and uneducated about

the terrorist threats we will, inevitably, face. America still has only

a handful of Arabic and Farsi speaking people in our intelligence

networks, and Aviv says it is critical that we change that fact SOON.

So, what can America do to protect itself? From an intelligence

perspective, Aviv says the U.S. needs to stop relying on satellites and

technology for intelligence. We need to, instead, follow Israel's,

Ireland's and England's hands-on examples of human intelligence, bot
from an infiltration perspective as well as to trust 'aware' citizens

to help. We need to engage and educate ourselves as citizens; however,

our U.S. government continues to treat us, its citizens, 'like babies'.

Our government thinks we 'can't handle the truth' and are concerned

that we'll panic if we understand the realities of terrorism. Aviv says

this is a deadly mistake.

Aviv recently created/executed a security test for our Congress, by

placing an empty briefcase in five well-traveled spots in five major

cities. The results? Not one person called 911 or sought a policeman to

check it out. In fact, in Chicago , someone tried to steal the

briefcase!

In comparison, Aviv says that citizens of Israel are so well 'trained'

that an unattended bag or package would be reported in seconds by

citizen(s) who know to publicly shout, 'Unattended Bag!' The area would

be quickly & calmly cleared by the citizens themselves. But,

unfortunately, America hasn't been yet 'hurt enough' by terrorism for

their government to fully understand the need to educate its citizens

or for the government to understand that it's their citizens who are,

inevitably, the best first-line of defense against terrorism.

Aviv also was concerned about the high number of children here in

America who were in preschool and kindergarten after 9/11, who were

'lost' without parents being able to pick them up, and about our

schools that had no plan in place to best care for the students until

parents could get there. (In New York City , this was days, in some

cases!)

He stresses the importance of having a plan, that's agreed upon within

your family, to respond to in the event of a terrorist emergency. He

urges parents to contact their children's schools and demand that the

schools, too, develop plans of actions, as they do in Israel .

Does your family know what to do if you can't contact one

another by phone?

Where would you gather in an emergency?

He says we should all have a plan that is easy enough for even our

youngest children to remember and follow.

Aviv says that the U.S. government has in force a plan that, in the

event of another terrorist attack, will immediately cut-off everyone's

ability to use cell phones, blackberries, etc., as this is the

preferred communication source used by terrorists and is often the way

that their bombs are detonated.

How will you communicate with your loved ones in the event you cannot

speak? You need to have a plan.

If you believe what you have just read, then you must feel compelled to

send to every concerned parent or guardian, grandparents, uncles,

aunts, whatever and whomever. Nothing will happen if you choose not to

do so, but in the event it does happen, this particular email will

haunt you..."I should have sent this to.....", but I didn't believe it

and just deleted it as so much trash from old "Bill Jones"!!!


If you liked this also check out http://Dwayne Reaves Dot Com

Monday, May 4, 2009

PREAMBLE OF YOUR STATE'S CONSTITUTION

Subject: Do you know the Preamble of your State's Constitution...



President Barack Obama said in Turkey : "We do not consider ourselves a Christian nation or a Jewish nation or a Muslim nation. We consider ourselves a nation of citizens who are bound by ideals and a set of values."



I found this very interesting. Do you know the Preamble for your state?

Be sure to read the message at the bottom!




Alabama 1901, Preamble
We the people of the State of Alabama , invoking the favor and guidance of Almighty God, do ordain and establish the following Constitution..
Alaska 1956, Preamble We, the people of Alaska , grateful to God and to those who founded our nation and pioneered this great land.
Arizona 1911, Preamble We, the people of the State of Arizona , grateful to Almighty God for our liberties, do ordain this Constitution...
Arkansas 1874, Preamble We, the people of the State of Arkansas , grateful to Almighty God for the privilege of choosing our own form of government...
California 1879, Preamble We, the People of the State of California , grateful to Almighty God for our freedom..
Colorado 1876, Preamble We, the people of Colorado , with profound reverence for the Supreme Ruler of Universe...
Connecticut 1818, Preamble. The People of Connecticut, acknowledging with gratitude the good Providence of God in permitting them to enjoy..
Delaware 1897, Preamble Through Divine Goodness all men have, by nature, the rights of worshipping and serving their Creator according to the dictates of their consciences.
Florida 1885, Preamble We, the people of the State of Florida , grateful to Almighty God for our constitutional liberty, establish this Constitution....
Georgia 1777, Preamble We, the people of Georgia , relying upon protection and guidance of Almighty God, do ordain and establish this Constitution...
Hawaii 1959, Preamble We , the people of Hawaii , Grateful for Divine Guidance ... Establish this Constitution.
Idaho 1889, Preamble We, the people of the State o f Idaho , grateful to Almighty God for our freedom, to secure its blessings.
Illinois 1870, Preamble We, the people of the State of Illinois, grateful to Almighty God for the civil , political and religious liberty which He hath so long permitted us to enjoy and looking to Him for a blessing on our endeavors.
Indiana 1851, Preamble We, the People of the State of Indiana , grateful to Almighty God for the free exercise of the right to choose our form of government.
Iowa 1857, Preamble We, the People of the St ate of Iowa , grateful to the Supreme Being for the blessings hitherto enjoyed, and feeling our dependence on Him for a continuation of these blessings, establish this Constitution.
Kansas 1859, Preamble We, the people of Kansas , grateful to Almighty God for our civil and religious privileges establish this Constitution.
Kentucky 1891, Preamble.. We, the people of the Commonwealth are grateful to Almighty God for the civil, political and religious liberties..
Louisiana 1921, Preamble We, the people of the State of Louisiana , grateful to Almighty God for the civil, political and religious liberties we enjoy.
Maine 1820, Preamble We the People of Maine acknowledging with grateful hearts the goodness of the Sovereign Ruler of the Universe in affording us an opportunity ... And imploring His aid and direction.
Maryland 1776, Preamble We, the people of the state of Maryland , grateful to Almighty God for our civil and religious liberty....
Massachusetts 1780, Preamble We...the people of Massachusetts, acknowledging with grateful hearts, the goodness of the Great Legislator of the Universe In the course of His Providence, an opportunity and devoutly imploring His direction
Michigan 1908, Preamble. We, the people of the State of Michigan , grateful to Almighty God for the blessings of freedom, establish this Constitution.
Minnesota, 1857, Preamble We, the people of the State of Minnesota, grateful to God for our civil and religious liberty, and desiring to perpetuate its blessings:
Mississippi 1890, Preamble We, the people of Mississippi in convention assembled, grateful to Almighty God, and invoking His blessing on our work.
Missouri 1845, Preamble We, the people of Missouri , with profound reverence for the Supreme Ruler of the Universe, and grateful for His goodness . Establish this Constitution....
Montana 1889, Preamble. We, the people of Montana , grateful to Almighty God for the blessings of liberty establish this Constitution ..
Nebraska 1875, Preamble We, the people, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom . Establish this Constitution.
Nevada 1864, Preamble We the people of the State of Nevada , grateful to Almighty God for our freedom, establish this Constitution...
New Hampshire 1792, Part I. Art. I.. Sec. V Every individual has a natural and unalienable right to worship God according to the dictates of his own conscience.
New Jersey 1844, Preamble We, the people of the State of New Jersey, grateful to Almighty God for civil and religious liberty which He hath so long permitted us to enjoy, and looking to Him for a blessing on our endeavors.
New Mexico 1911, Preamble We, the People of New Mexico, grateful to Almighty God for the blessings of liberty.
New York 1846, Preamble We, the people of the State of New York , grateful to Almighty God for our freedom, in order to secure its blessings.
North Carolina 1868, Preamble We the people of the State of North Carolina, grateful to Almighty God, the Sovereign Ruler of Nations, for our civil, political, and religious liberties, and acknowledging our dependence upon Him for the continuance of those...
North Dakota 1889, Preamble We , the people of North Dakota , grateful to Almighty God for the blessings of civil and religious liberty, do ordain...
Ohio 1852, Preamble We the people of the state of Ohio , grateful to Almighty God for our freedom, to secure its blessings and to promote our common.
Oklahoma 1907, Preamble Invoking the guidance of Almighty God, in order to secure and perpetuate the blessings of liberty, establish this
Oregon 1857, Bill of Rights, Article I Section 2. All men shall be secure in the Natural right, to worship Almighty God according to the dictates of their consciences
Pennsylvania 1776, Preamble We, the people of Pennsylvania, grateful to Almighty God for the blessings of civil and religious liberty, and humbly invoking His guidance....
Rhode Island 1842, Preamble. We the People of the State of Rhode Island grateful to Almighty God for the civil and religious liberty which He hath so long permitted us to enjoy, and looking to Him for a blessing...
South Carolina , 1778, Preamble We, the people of he State of South Carolina grateful to God for our liberties, do ordain and establish this Constitution.
South Dakota 1889, Preamble We, the people of South Dakota , grateful to Almighty God for our civil and religious liberties ...
Tennessee 1796, Art. XI..III. That all men have a natural and indefeasible right to worship Almighty God according to the dictates of their conscience...
Texas 1845, Preamble We the People of the Republic of Texas , acknowledging, with gratitude, the grace and beneficence of God.
Utah 1896, Preamble Grateful to Almighty God for life and liberty, we establish this Constitution.
Vermont 1777, Preamble Whereas all government ought to enable the individuals who compose it to enjoy their natural rights, and other blessings which the Author of Existence has bestowed on man ..
Virginia 1776, Bill of Rights, XVI Religion, or the Duty which we owe our Creator can be directed only by Reason and that it is the mutual duty of all to practice Christian Forbearance, Love and Charity towards each other
Washington 1889, Preamble We the People of the State of Washington, grateful to the Supreme Ruler of the Universe for our liberties, do ordain this Constitution
West Virginia 1872, Preamble Since through Divine Providence we enjoy the blessings of civil, political and religious liberty, we, the people of West Virginia reaffirm our faith in and constant reliance upon God ...
Wisconsin 1848, Preamble We, the people of Wisconsin, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom, domestic tranquility...
Wyoming 1890, Preamble We, the people of the State of Wyoming , grateful to God for our civil, political, and religious liberties, establish this Constitution...

After reviewing acknowledgments of God from all 50 state constitutions, one is faced with the prospect that maybe, the ACLU and the out-of-control federal courts are wrong! If you found this to be 'Food for thought' send to as many as you think will be enlightened as I hope you were.

(Please note that at no time is anyone told that they MUST worship God.)

GOD BLESS AMERICA

In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm and three or more is a congress. -- John Adams




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Sunday, May 3, 2009

ENJOY

Old Age, I decided, is a gift

I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometime despair over my body, the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the sagging butt. And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror (who looks like my mother!), but I don't agonize over those things for long.

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend.

I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avante garde on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant.
FONT face="Comic Sans MS" color=black size=5>
I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon?


I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 50&60's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love .. I will.

I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set. They, too, will get old.

I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.

Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have die before their hair could turn silver .

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong.

So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. Sans MS; font-size: 13.3333px; font-weight: bold; "> I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day. (If I feel like it)

MAY OUR FRIENDSHIP NEVER COME APART ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART!
MAY YOU ALWAYS HAVE A RAINBOW OF SMILES ON YOUR FACE AND IN YOUR HEART FOREVER AND EVER!

FRIENDS FOREVER!

GET YOUR CAT READY FOR THIS

How to properly clean your toilet

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.

4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and rinse".

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.




Sincerely,
The Dog

DEFINITION OF A VETERAN

DEFINITION OF A VETERAN

A veteran - whether active duty, retired, national guard, or reserve - is someone who, at one point in his or her life, wrote a blank check made payable to The 'United States of America', for an amount of 'up to and including my life.'

That is Honor, and there are way too many people in this country who no longer understand it.

- Author Unknown

Friday, May 1, 2009

NEVER LIE TO A WOMAN

Never Lie to a Woman



A man called home to his wife and said, " Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his Friends .

We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting, so could you please pack enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box, we're leaving from the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up"

" Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pyjamas. "

The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked.

The following weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good.

The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish?

He said, "Yes! Lots of Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pyjamas like I asked you to do?"

You'll love the answer...

The wife replied, "I did. They're in your fishing box ..."
Never Lie To A Woman...!!!


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